Angel's Grief

            Angels, winged beings believed to be messengers of god, servants of the divine. Beings that symbolizes light, fragility, purity and even sadness...
They say angels are beings that are granted with eternal happiness but as a matter of fact they are not, they are only granted a moment of happiness and a lifetime of memories...

And they are here amongst us.. Secretly hiding, pretending to be happy, swiftly enduring every pain they have to face in order for them to be free from grieve..

If you are to meet an angel, are you willing to give up everything just to be one of them??

Loveless: Consumed by darkness

~Have you ever thought of a feeling where in you almost gave everything but nothing in return is given back to you?...
It's not about repaying or receiving something in return but the mere thought of being cared for is the only thing you could ask...nothing more, nothing less..
But it seems that life has a way of saying to us that not all the things in life can go in your own way, your own desires..Just plain nothing..~


Is it too much to ask for simple things in life??
Is it too much to ask for a single word coming out from that person's mouth??
I really thought that everything would be alright..
That everything happens for a purpose..but it seems to me that everything else is nothing but pure trash..

It's really hard to control your own personal emotions especially when that something triggers your mind to the extent of blowing yourself up...

All I'm asking...

Is you...

“How can you comfort a Crying girl?”

~Ever since that day that my friend told me about her life, ever since that day that she told me about her problems and ever since that day I saw tears falling down her face….

I was there just staring at her, wandering aimlessly and thinking "what can I do to stop her tears from falling?".. I couldn’t help but just stare at her.. I am wandering…"How can you comfort a crying girl".~

~A very big question mark appeared in my mind as to "What if the one who made her cry is the one she loved very much in her life?".. 

It is very sad just standing near those who are broken hearted, listening to every love stories they have in their life and I thought to myself, 

"Do I also have to do this to the one that I love and do I have the strength to do so?", all these questions are stuck inside my head and I am just waiting till the next love story to come..~

Listen to yourself……

 As I see her with someone she loves very much, I only stared at her and her lover and as I blink my eyes, tears running down from my face. I can’t help but feeling jealous by the fact that I am only nothing to her but only as a friend. When can I release this feelings that I stains my own heart, how can I stop this ever flowing love I feel for her…..I can’t help but think of her all the time of my life, as I walk by….side by side with her……I wanted to her how much I love her, how much I want to hold her in my arms and grip her tight…..close to me face and face…….and tell her "I Love Her" with all my heart and soul, that I will pledge everything just for her…….But……..I just can’t because I am afraid that our friendship will end and just that….I can never be with her again….so I kept on fighting and fighting this feelings I feel for her because if I can’t have her, then at least I want to be with her even if it is hurting me in the inside but I can still smile at her in the outside…..Life is very challenging indeed, there is not such thing as a easy life with no trials and challenges………..She is like a Blooming rose that can bloom anywhere, can survive anywhere, can be love by anything, and can love her own self……"A rose than can bloom anywhere but can wither at only one place"…..I wish I could be that place, a place where she will need my comfort, my warmth and my love….If only and only then my life will be complete……….

Emptiness

~A feeling worth crying for, a feeling
worse than death, a feeling of letting
go to the one you hold onto, and a
feeling that will never die. This
feeling reminds you of something dark
about your life, reminds you of your
happy moments and sad moments as well. I
just can’t stop thinking about these
feelings inside of me that’s been
haunting me for the rest of my life.
Some things can never go your own way
and sometimes can hurt you from behind.
Being one of those things remind me of
who I really was, being hated,
humiliated, and haunted by my own
desires……The feeling of Emptiness
and Loneliness ~

These are the feelings I felt and told
to myself if this will ever occur to
myself again because if it will ever
occur again in my life……Nothing can
be changed except to chase this empty
dreams inside my heart. Always waiting,
waiting for the right time to let me
inside, where your fire burns in the
city of angels just like the kingdoms
above ever to be known and remain as a
legend, never to be foretold and always
be remembered…..

~Mystery Of Life~

~Loveless….

Another time for my life to continue the way I want but it seems that it doesn’t go the way I want it to be and I think the reason for that kind of twisted fate and the sudden change of my destiny is you, The one who changed my life was you, who crossed my life and understands me the most…Even though time is against us that I only met you in a glimpse of that single memory..Is it because of the different paths that we shared for each other but for me it was heaven when I met you, its like I saw a Goddess for the very first time in my life….I don’t know what you thought of me but for me I am thankful to God that I met you and if only there was still enough time left just to be with you, I would really tell you about my one and only true feelings for you…That’s why I asked for God’s help to lend me this borrowed time that I would like to spend with her just enough to tell her how I really feel for her..My only wish is for her to be happy, that’s all I ever wanted even though it won’t benefit me..still for me to see you happy would be enough for me…

If…

I was left in the middle of darkness, I hope I can see a small light of hope, even if it is only a brickering small light, I just want to know how you really feel for me because it has been hard on my part to pretend what I dont want to be. I hope our paths will remain the same even if it is years from now, my feelings for you will never change, you are the only one that can complete my life, my one and only angel that showed me what is like to be alive and taught me the true meaning of happiness, I hope you will never forget me for you are the only one engraved in my heart..Till next time my love….Goodbye~

Loveless: Gift

~My 1st monthsary gift to my baby~(revised)

This short story was just something I wrote in a rush, so I apologize if its not enough to show and express what I really feel for this day...hehe.. So here it goes..




I was near the aura that surrounds the moon..
Starring down at the people below...
I couldn't bear to watch a certain person I saw from my distance..


She was wearing a frilly white dress, white Sunday hat, and a white shiny bracelet at her right wrist
She was strolling at the shore of the white sand beach..
Wandering aimlessly as she looks at the bright orange sunset in front of her sight,
Leaving her footprints on the glimmering white sand..


I was there above her, thinking for hours, questioning myself..
"Is she waiting for someone?"..


As days, months, years passed by..
She's still there at that beach..
Still waiting for someone...
And suddenly tears started to fall down her face and i couldn't just stay put anymore..


So I came down to her..


Asked her..
"Why are you doing this to yourself?"..


She looked at me directly in the eyes and smiled..
"Coz I thought you will never come down to me, talk to me and look at me in the eyes anymore.."


I was surprised at her words and I realized..
I was lock, she was the key, and I gave her the keys to my heart a long time ago...
Maybe thats why she waited for me to open my heart for her.....

Loveless: Alone

Have you ever felt the feeling of being alone for almost the rest of your life??


Sometimes I wonder How did I even survive this long without someone's help except the help from above.
It feels like you are being worthless..
Being rejected, being ignored by your family, friends and even the one who is very close to you..


It's the worst feeling a human could ever endure for the rest of his life..


Do you have what it takes to endure this kind of feeling??


Especially when you thought that you have everything in your grasp but as a matter of fact, you don't even have one single dream left in you.
Especially when you thought that you've been pulled up by your love but in the end it is still the same old life, same old story, same chapter...


They all come and leave you behind..
And the worse part of it..
They don't leave you unscathed, instead they left you a totally worthless  feeling you could never imagine to have..


The feeling so much worse than death itself..