Missing my lover

Missing my lover 

Every moment I spend, 

A day without her by my side is like a having a leech that slowly sips away the blood from my veins

As I turn side to side...

Wandering everywhere to places we used to hang out with

But still I couldn't find her anywhere 

No matter how hard I try to reach out for her in the light

Calling her name as tears reflecting the bitterness of the skies above my never ending sorrows

Time is indeed cruel..

I can only wait and wait for the right moment 

Until the last breathe I could muster

Til the last ounce of strength I have 

And I could finally say to her 

How much I missed her

Her smile...

Her laugh...

Her tears of joy...

Her touch....

Her warmth...

Her happiness....

Her forever image that won't burn out in my mind 

The only one that could bring out the best of me

She alone can bring a thousand tears from my living self of total happiness

I miss her so much..My lover...

Hopeless, Euphoria, Loveless

Credits to the owner of the picture: chrno(minitokyo.net)


 

Love like no other can give

Hoping like there is no tomorrow

Feeling happy all the time

Touching the heavens with your bare hands

Giving it all to the other

Leaving nothing for yourself at all

Looking forward for a brighter future

Hoping that everything will go as planned

Not only for yourself 

But for the both of you

All ends as a happy ending

A fairy tale

A romance like no other

But reality bites you a hundredfold 

Piercing your heart with a thousand lances 

Grasping your heart

Holding it like a crumpled paper

With no escaping the pain

 Embracing it

Regretting every decisions that you made

A shock of vengeance flowing down your spine

Crying with tears filled with darkness

You can't speak your heart anymore

But words begins flowing out 

Losing your mind out 

Giving up hope and all other forms of euphoria

And you begin to think that

The ray of light has left you completely

 You wanted to stand up

But the pain keeps on holding you down

Frustrations...

Disappointments....

Anger....

Insanity....

 "Loveless"

Power

As my body falls down the ground

I still feel indestructible on the inside

Unlimited Energy coursing through my veins

The feeling of being undefeated

But most of the time 

I may crawl

Unsure if I can reach you

To defeat you

Always losing my way around you

I may fall down again and again

I might not fight anymore

 But I will always come back 

Stronger than I can ever be

Striving to be the one

The one person I can be

To give my very best i everything I do

In anyway I can

Finding the best solution

The greatness within

The untouched potential that even I am unaware of

So just you wait and see

Because no matter how hard you try to escape

I will always come to you

To challenge you

To conquer every hurdle

I will always believe

In a fight called life

 

This is not Goodbye..

Many years had passed by

Since the last time I saw your sweet and heartwarming smile

I gave up everything just to see it one last time

I've lost everything, even my dreams

Now here I am again

Crying

Missing you as every second of my time runs out

It's like I'm standing alone

Calling out for you

Wandering why you are not responding to anything I've been saying

I don't know anymore...

It's like I don't have a place in your heart

I asked myself

"Is this goodbye?"

Then suddenly tears run down my face

Tears that are unknown even to myself

You are there

Staring at me with coldness in your eyes

It's striking me with questions

 

"Are you giving up on me?."

"On us?"

"On everything we dreamed for?"

Then all of the sudden

A certain feeling tingling all over my body

Holding my tears back to where it came from

Slowly turning back time 

To where and when we had fall to each others arms

Slowly pacing back in time...

Where we don't even know how to fall in love

 Turning Back little by little..

Until such time 

I was standing under a moonlight

I saw you...

I smiled..

This is not Goodbye...

 

Loveless:Isolation

Isolation

I've pulled myself away from reality

Closed my mind from the world

Pushed others away that hinders my path

Gave up everything just to reach my certain place

A place of where you can't see me anymore

A life of solitude

I did now want this kind of life

But fate made me the person who I am 

I made it through this just to let you know

That I don't want any part of your life

You have to understand 

That some things are not meant to be

Every stories have to end the way you dont want them to be

 

I'm sorry if I have to be this way 

Sorry if you have to go through this pain

But I gave everything away

"So that you won't feel betrayed anymore"

Heartless ~Night 7~

How many months has it been since you last talked to me 

With all of your heart and sincerity

You despise me 

Yet you still held me 

as if it we are the only persons left in the whole world

So what now, I asked you..

But no words came out from you..

As we continued the night. .

Silence dug deeper in our memory

Sad feeling but the air is not suffocating between us

Rather, it seems like a blissful and warm feeling

I wondered why I feel this way

So once again

I tried to reach with you 

Only that, I did not use any words or gestures

I just simply looked you in the eyes 

And a flash of images suddenly appeared in my memory

I then came up with a realization

No words can weigh much more 

than a simple picture of you standing right in front of me

With all love and sincerity 

With nothing else except a simple look in your eyes...

Heartless Night 6

As I dream of you tonight

Believing that you still love me for the way I am

As I glance through the window of the night

I see you crying

Tears falling like raindrops down to your pale lips

And it pains me to think that I am the one who hurt you

I can never forgive myself for the sufferings that I gave to you

 That's why I ask of you tonight

Spread my hands to reach you

Ask you..

"Do you still believe in dreams and fairy tales?"

But you never spoke a word nor answered my question

Instead..

You smiled at me..

Looked at me directly in the eyes

And I told myself..

"You are undoubtedly a maiden full of surprises"

Armor of the heart..

Shield my heart from all this pains sufferings, hatred, deceptions

Engrave a steadfast armor to protect my fragility

Lead me to a gate of eternal happiness

free me from all the darkness of this world

The heart is nothing more than a piece from a missing puzzle

waiting for a light to come to complete me,

to break these chains that entangled me,

isolated me from all the light of this world

The heart of a man is nothing without his armor

 That is why, it will continue to wither and decompose 

til nothing is left but an empty shell...

It will continue to struggle and fight it's hardest 

just to see through all this challenges in life

It will continue to fight til the end of time

Until someone will come to take away its nakedness

Clothe it with an armor forged with a hope that will last forever

An armor as thick as a dragon's scales

Hard as any metal

An aura as graceful and elegant than the god of war

The heart of a man will never be complete til that someone comes..

Heartless -=Night 5=-

As I see you in my dreams, always paving a way to reach a certain place..
You are there, trying to tell me a message..
A simple yet complicated kind of message..
I wonder why..


But you always remind me of shooting stars..
Appearing so gallantly, and disappears without a trace...
Like a sound of music trying to whisper through my heart


I ask myself..
"How many nights has it been since you told me you want me by your side?"..
"How many nights has it been since I last saw you hold my hand?"..


I reach to a certain point in my life that I kept on looking for the emptiness that I desire..

 

Will you be willing to wait for me?

Loveless by Rekazan

I just wanted to share this picture made by my best friend for me and my website entitled Loveless... ^_^

You can find some of his works here rekazan.deviantart.com/gallery


Try to read the inscription on the picture.. I'm sure you will really love it. You will really feel his sense of passion towards the people he loved and towards the person he will always remember as his special someone ^_^..

The Joker..

Jokes are not meant to hurt but to deliver laughs and smiles in our faces..
But sometimes, it seems to have a different effect to others and to the people around us. I don't even know why they tend to misinterpret jokes that aren't that intentional or anything.

Jokes are meant to hide your true self, forms and the shape of your personality.. But as much as u try to hide your own thoughts, it will be ten times harder to accept reality itself when time the comes for you. You were wrong to think that you could hide yourself forever in eternal bliss and fake happiness..

That is why you have to be yourself when you try to joke the people around you...

There are really certain persons in your life who could see through your disguise even if you really are a joker, who could see the emptiness and burdens that you tend to keep inside..

And you can only hope that they won't be affected by your own problems because as far as you can persevere through life. There is no one else you could rely on except yourself in the end..

Jokes are really nothing but words, but if you try to deepen your insight.. You would see it differently than others would..

Reality itself is speaking in your mind..

Quietly poetic...

Quietly I sat between the princess and the poor man..

Listening to every conflicts that seems to arise between them..

I gave in..
Hopelessly trying to be a bridge between the two worlds apart

Even if it's just only a moment that they would meet

I know..

The sparks that was once gone will turn back on again.

If only love is fair for both parties..

Cruel as it seems, 

That is the reality that they should face

Royalty versus true love is never an issue 

Cuz if you truly know the person that you want

Nothing can stand between the two of you

So here I am standing near you

Whispering through your ears

Telling...

Hoping...

Praying..

That somehow... Someday..

You will also whisper to my ears..

Saying..

"I miss your voice"...

So I did.. Quietly but full of sincerity

Defeat...

I've long known my defeat 

The moment I gaze upon your cold eyes

I tried to touch you 

To feel what it's like to be driven by my own fear of defeat

But you seem so far yet so close..

I tried to pierce through your fragile glass armor 

But the reach of my spear is limited

You are far from my reach

But my defeat was soon foretold 

You reach out to me..

Easily broke the layers of my dragon scale armor

Just by the touch of your soft tender hands

My defeat was certain..

You are there.. 

Still staring at me with your cold eyes

Never wavering presence

Aura that emits instant death

You killed me..

You killed the demon within me

You saved me from my darkness

You gave me peace and hope 

In this never ending despair and misery

You gave me defeat 

To see the true light that's been taken away from me

I've known my defeat..

Since the day you try to hold on to me..

My light...

Nothingness...

         I tried to think that everything is okay, but reality killed me once again. I really thought that I can already grasp the scenario of what might the future be, but in the end... It was all in vain

Avoidance...
Hopelessness..

I was lost amidst an endless desert, engulfed in total darkness..
I was left alone..
Beaten down by my own weaknesses..
Never been able to feel what is like to live life in its fullest form

What did love has ever done to me?..
Why did I change into someone I never even knew I would become?...

I was naive.. I never thought that..
The moment I knew the voice of her heart was the time I will be lost forever in the track of time.

My words has no meaning, no life, that can reach her.. 
There is no such thing as coincidence...Only nothing..

Teardrops on Christmas

Today is Christmas eve..

I know the feeling, that certain feeling..

Where you always try to look around every corners of the streets..

Trying to look for something worthwhile..

I couldn't face the facts that Christmas is already here

But you are not..

Every time I open each and every presents I have..

I think of you..

Each time I pray and forget the thoughts of you..

You stare at me blankly in my open mind..

I don't remember when was the last time we spend Christmas together

But I always remember your smile

Every time you look above the skies 

During the cold nights when we were together..

Christmas may not be as it was before..

But your words will always be with me

Engraved in my heart

"Merry Christmas...My Love"

Darkness..

~A darkened Life~

I'm sorry, but it is really difficult for us to be together..

I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings but this is the best I could think of for the both of us..

I'm sorry... I'm sorry

But I really did love you from the deepest chambers of my heart...

As I walk towards my end, 

completely blinded by the pain that binds me completely..

The pain that is aching inside of me..

As these lines whispers through my ears,

" I'm sorry but I love you"

I want to cry my heart out, 

but tears just won't come out..

I want to stop at the very moment of my life,

but my feelings are too strong to overcome..

I don't want to loose all the hope I can gather,

but the pain is slowly killing me from within..

The moment I stop walking,

will be the very moment that I would stop loving you..

So I walk endlessly,

without thinking anything else, except my love for you..

Even if my feet hurts..

Even if my vision blurs..

Even if my mind has gone empty..
Even if the entire life energy I have has gone away...

I won't stop...

Til Death itself comes to me..

Loveless: Death

End of The Month #5

This post is supposed to be written in the last day of November.. ^_^

Wew... I missed a lot of days thinking a lot of things, plus the hectic schedule I had last month..
Well anyways, last month was pretty much my dying month because of the fact that I had a lot of problems to solve on my own and pretty much how I dodge a huge bullet in front of me.

I had a lot of nightmares during the night and a lot of stressful scenarios during the day. How I withstand it?.. Simple.. I just simply eat, pray a lot and emote? ^_^.. Yes.. I've been very emotional lately, because of the fact that I had a lot of fights and misunderstandings with my girlfriend, I've been pushing myself to things I didn't know and worst part of it.. I loose all the pride that I had in myself and I have to regain it quickly because, well, I know pride is not a good thing but for me it's not completely bad either, it's just a matter of how you use it to yourself and to the people around you...

Even though last month was a very tiring month for me, but still I learned a lot from it.. The mistakes and errors that I have made me realize that some things are not meant to be no matter how much you try and try to gain that certain thing. There are what you call limits, a limit on how you give and gain trust with people, a limit on how you should love and receive love in return but one thing you should not put your limitations on.... The power of prayer and how you believe in your faith with your God.. :) ^_^ (:

Christmas is just right around the corner everyone ^_^ wish you all the best with your life...

Silent days..

I am here....

Waiting for you

Even if its just a glimpse of you

A message

A sign

A note

 Whatever it is 

As long as it is a part of you

Is it too much to ask?

While your there laughing so happy with him

I am here torturing myself.... 

Over you 

Because you left me here all alone 

With nothing else 

Except pain..

You are walking alongside with him

Holding hands together
His arms wrap around you

Like we used to..

You are taking him to places 

we used to go..

The footprints we left on the beach

The food we used to eat

The places we used to hang out with

You are leaving me out of it...

The memories and dreams we made together

Thrown away like pieces of trash

But here I am

Trying to find those pieces 

Trying to mold them together

To create another dream of us

Still in the end..

It is only me left...

No more you..

Heartless ~=Nightmare=~

I've been wondering why, my dreams were never that happy, enjoyable, instead, it was all horrible, anger and deceit were all I felt in my heart whenever I had dreams about you...

In one nightmare I had, you left me all alone without saying a word, no eye contact, no nothing...
I tried to chase you but you were so far away, my feet cannot move as if it was paralyzed ...
I tried to shout your name but no sound came out from my mouth as if I was mute...
I don't know what to do anymore except to reach out my hand to you as if you were just there an inch away from me...I kept on hoping....

Another dream I had or rather another nightmare about you...
You were with someone else. I was devastated by the sight of you and that other guy your with...
I was just there looking at you straight in the eyes and you were looking back at me as if I was nothing but a worthless trash.. I had nothing else left to do except just to stand there.. It was a painful image left in my memory...

The fact that there were all my dreams.. But I had no control over them..





I still couldn't  have you even if it was just a dream.. A sad thought indeed -_-....

Heartless -Night 4-

I see you again and again

It's like a never ending streams and waves of pictures of you in my mind

You were always there

Watching me as I passed by the scenery where we first met..

I always hear voices

But I know it is yours

Telling me to stay as I am

To love you as I can

To feel you always and always..

Your image in my memory..

Is always there..

In my dreams

The never ending dream of you and me

Together in an open space full of sparkling lights,

A star?..

A wish?...

Or just another dream?..