This is not Goodbye..

Many years had passed by

Since the last time I saw your sweet and heartwarming smile

I gave up everything just to see it one last time

I've lost everything, even my dreams

Now here I am again

Crying

Missing you as every second of my time runs out

It's like I'm standing alone

Calling out for you

Wandering why you are not responding to anything I've been saying

I don't know anymore...

It's like I don't have a place in your heart

I asked myself

"Is this goodbye?"

Then suddenly tears run down my face

Tears that are unknown even to myself

You are there

Staring at me with coldness in your eyes

It's striking me with questions

 

"Are you giving up on me?."

"On us?"

"On everything we dreamed for?"

Then all of the sudden

A certain feeling tingling all over my body

Holding my tears back to where it came from

Slowly turning back time 

To where and when we had fall to each others arms

Slowly pacing back in time...

Where we don't even know how to fall in love

 Turning Back little by little..

Until such time 

I was standing under a moonlight

I saw you...

I smiled..

This is not Goodbye...

 

Loveless: Prayer

Prayer

I am here before you

Asking for your guidance and light

Begging for your mercy and forgiveness

Shield me from evil and darkness

Enforce my armor with your blessings

With my will, might and my whole spirit 

I offer you myself 

Give me strength..

Given all the possibilities and decisions in life
You were always there for me
It is only fair that I must offer myself to you
For all the gifts
The unlimited blessings
The never ending guidance, protection and the strength
That you have given me til the end of my life

I can offer you nothing except my faith, love and my whole life..
 I ask for more
For I am a selfish being
I commit more mistakes
But you always have in your heart to forgive me
For you are merciful and forgiving
You always have it in you to prioritize others rather than yourself
 You accept them wholeheartedly
Even if you know what they are and who they are
You are still willing to bring them in your home

Your are the only one
I will believe in, pray, trust and respect
For you,
I will gladly offer you my life..

"You are the only one"

Heartless ~Night 7~

How many months has it been since you last talked to me 

With all of your heart and sincerity

You despise me 

Yet you still held me 

as if it we are the only persons left in the whole world

So what now, I asked you..

But no words came out from you..

As we continued the night. .

Silence dug deeper in our memory

Sad feeling but the air is not suffocating between us

Rather, it seems like a blissful and warm feeling

I wondered why I feel this way

So once again

I tried to reach with you 

Only that, I did not use any words or gestures

I just simply looked you in the eyes 

And a flash of images suddenly appeared in my memory

I then came up with a realization

No words can weigh much more 

than a simple picture of you standing right in front of me

With all love and sincerity 

With nothing else except a simple look in your eyes...

Loveless:Sparks

"I see nothing but sparks in your eyes"

Everyday I thought of giving up for the ones I love

But deep inside of me

You were there

You wont even give me a chance of giving up my dreams

You were always there for me

 Even though I shunned you out of my life..

Still you gave me a reason not to loose hope 

You are my brilliance..

You are my shimmering light

My guide, My way towards a blissful life

I am weak without you

I can never be myself if it wasn't for you..

I see nothing but sparks in your eyes..

That never ending light shinning like a star

Gazing down upon me

As I look up..

I see nothing but you

Your Aura that transcends that of the gods 

 It's like you are my natural guardian angel

My peace, My hope and My love

May you always protect me..

Give me Strength

I'm weak

Never been able to surpass my fate

So give me strength 

To overcome those obstacles around me

To challenge the highest possible wall 

That I may encounter

Give me strength

For I am weak without you by my side

Stand by me

Enlighten the darkness that sleeps inside of me

Help me break these chains that binds my heart

Give me strength 

For I am nothing but a boy trying to find its purpose

Light the fire that once fueled me towards greatness

You are my hope that gives me the power

To craft the broken pieces that was once my armor and shield

You are my strength

My life

Destiny..

Heartless Night 6

As I dream of you tonight

Believing that you still love me for the way I am

As I glance through the window of the night

I see you crying

Tears falling like raindrops down to your pale lips

And it pains me to think that I am the one who hurt you

I can never forgive myself for the sufferings that I gave to you

 That's why I ask of you tonight

Spread my hands to reach you

Ask you..

"Do you still believe in dreams and fairy tales?"

But you never spoke a word nor answered my question

Instead..

You smiled at me..

Looked at me directly in the eyes

And I told myself..

"You are undoubtedly a maiden full of surprises"

Armor of the heart..

Shield my heart from all this pains sufferings, hatred, deceptions

Engrave a steadfast armor to protect my fragility

Lead me to a gate of eternal happiness

free me from all the darkness of this world

The heart is nothing more than a piece from a missing puzzle

waiting for a light to come to complete me,

to break these chains that entangled me,

isolated me from all the light of this world

The heart of a man is nothing without his armor

 That is why, it will continue to wither and decompose 

til nothing is left but an empty shell...

It will continue to struggle and fight it's hardest 

just to see through all this challenges in life

It will continue to fight til the end of time

Until someone will come to take away its nakedness

Clothe it with an armor forged with a hope that will last forever

An armor as thick as a dragon's scales

Hard as any metal

An aura as graceful and elegant than the god of war

The heart of a man will never be complete til that someone comes..

Heartless -=Night 5=-

As I see you in my dreams, always paving a way to reach a certain place..
You are there, trying to tell me a message..
A simple yet complicated kind of message..
I wonder why..


But you always remind me of shooting stars..
Appearing so gallantly, and disappears without a trace...
Like a sound of music trying to whisper through my heart


I ask myself..
"How many nights has it been since you told me you want me by your side?"..
"How many nights has it been since I last saw you hold my hand?"..


I reach to a certain point in my life that I kept on looking for the emptiness that I desire..

 

Will you be willing to wait for me?

Mothers day...

It's all about her...

She said to me that 

She waited for a very long time for me to arrive

But she doesn't know

That I am there just behind her

Silently gazing at her..

She tells me everyday that she loves me..

But I tell her every hour of her infinite and pure beauty

She completes me in every small things..

She gave me a letter,

Inside of it tells our stories together

But she is clueless about a certain memory

That she doesn't remember

Because in fact,

Every time when she falls asleep 

I was there making a story of how she dreams..

I told her she is the only one..

But she told me in return..

That she doesn't believe in fairy tales..

So I told her that..

We are not living in a fairy tale.. 

We are living by our individual chapters of our life..

And the chapter that I am reading today

Is all about you..

She gave me a sudden smile on her face

Almost as if I'm looking at a mirror 

Because I'm smiling back at her

In that moment

It's almost like we are the only ones left.

But I was wrong..

She is the only one left in my mind..

In the end.. 

It was never about me from the start..

It's all about her...

Quietly poetic...

Quietly I sat between the princess and the poor man..

Listening to every conflicts that seems to arise between them..

I gave in..
Hopelessly trying to be a bridge between the two worlds apart

Even if it's just only a moment that they would meet

I know..

The sparks that was once gone will turn back on again.

If only love is fair for both parties..

Cruel as it seems, 

That is the reality that they should face

Royalty versus true love is never an issue 

Cuz if you truly know the person that you want

Nothing can stand between the two of you

So here I am standing near you

Whispering through your ears

Telling...

Hoping...

Praying..

That somehow... Someday..

You will also whisper to my ears..

Saying..

"I miss your voice"...

So I did.. Quietly but full of sincerity

Defeat...

I've long known my defeat 

The moment I gaze upon your cold eyes

I tried to touch you 

To feel what it's like to be driven by my own fear of defeat

But you seem so far yet so close..

I tried to pierce through your fragile glass armor 

But the reach of my spear is limited

You are far from my reach

But my defeat was soon foretold 

You reach out to me..

Easily broke the layers of my dragon scale armor

Just by the touch of your soft tender hands

My defeat was certain..

You are there.. 

Still staring at me with your cold eyes

Never wavering presence

Aura that emits instant death

You killed me..

You killed the demon within me

You saved me from my darkness

You gave me peace and hope 

In this never ending despair and misery

You gave me defeat 

To see the true light that's been taken away from me

I've known my defeat..

Since the day you try to hold on to me..

My light...

The Peak of Love

It was recently our 1st anniversary together.
I got a lot of things to be prepared of, especially my feelings for her and what I've felt for her for the past 12 months.
I feared that I won't be able to reach out to her..
I was too afraid that I won't be able to touch her heart..

But...
I was wrong..
She was the one who reached onto me..
I was very stupid because I thought I am the only one
Who is always reaching out to her

But here I am..
Completely blinded by my own selfishness.
Here I am,
Standing right in front of her,
Looking at her straight into those gazing eyes..

She gave me strength that guided me for the rest of my years..
She gave me warmth that I never felt before
A feeling worth dying for,
A very mystical, amazing feeling that I could not comprehend by words..
There's no one else like her..


"Yes.."


I say to myself, because of the fact that she is...without a doubt..

"My Only One"

Teardrops on Christmas

Today is Christmas eve..

I know the feeling, that certain feeling..

Where you always try to look around every corners of the streets..

Trying to look for something worthwhile..

I couldn't face the facts that Christmas is already here

But you are not..

Every time I open each and every presents I have..

I think of you..

Each time I pray and forget the thoughts of you..

You stare at me blankly in my open mind..

I don't remember when was the last time we spend Christmas together

But I always remember your smile

Every time you look above the skies 

During the cold nights when we were together..

Christmas may not be as it was before..

But your words will always be with me

Engraved in my heart

"Merry Christmas...My Love"

Darkness..

~A darkened Life~

I'm sorry, but it is really difficult for us to be together..

I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings but this is the best I could think of for the both of us..

I'm sorry... I'm sorry

But I really did love you from the deepest chambers of my heart...

As I walk towards my end, 

completely blinded by the pain that binds me completely..

The pain that is aching inside of me..

As these lines whispers through my ears,

" I'm sorry but I love you"

I want to cry my heart out, 

but tears just won't come out..

I want to stop at the very moment of my life,

but my feelings are too strong to overcome..

I don't want to loose all the hope I can gather,

but the pain is slowly killing me from within..

The moment I stop walking,

will be the very moment that I would stop loving you..

So I walk endlessly,

without thinking anything else, except my love for you..

Even if my feet hurts..

Even if my vision blurs..

Even if my mind has gone empty..
Even if the entire life energy I have has gone away...

I won't stop...

Til Death itself comes to me..

Loveless: Death

Silent days..

I am here....

Waiting for you

Even if its just a glimpse of you

A message

A sign

A note

 Whatever it is 

As long as it is a part of you

Is it too much to ask?

While your there laughing so happy with him

I am here torturing myself.... 

Over you 

Because you left me here all alone 

With nothing else 

Except pain..

You are walking alongside with him

Holding hands together
His arms wrap around you

Like we used to..

You are taking him to places 

we used to go..

The footprints we left on the beach

The food we used to eat

The places we used to hang out with

You are leaving me out of it...

The memories and dreams we made together

Thrown away like pieces of trash

But here I am

Trying to find those pieces 

Trying to mold them together

To create another dream of us

Still in the end..

It is only me left...

No more you..

Heartless -Night 4-

I see you again and again

It's like a never ending streams and waves of pictures of you in my mind

You were always there

Watching me as I passed by the scenery where we first met..

I always hear voices

But I know it is yours

Telling me to stay as I am

To love you as I can

To feel you always and always..

Your image in my memory..

Is always there..

In my dreams

The never ending dream of you and me

Together in an open space full of sparkling lights,

A star?..

A wish?...

Or just another dream?..

Loveless: Betrayal

So many things left unsaid and done..
So many heartaches and problems yet unsolved
So many disguises and thoughts left hanging on the edge
All of these things, I carry on my shoulders..
But you run away from all of it..

I gave up my heart for you..
But you chose to trash it away like it was nothing...
I gave up my will just to see you smile..
Instead, you pushed me away like I was some dirt in your path
I told you everything that needs to be said..
But you sealed your heart for me not to enter..


What can I do?..
Instead to hope for the best and for the best to come..
My only wish is that..
I am not looking for false dreams
Because I will be devastated by betrayal of those I gave my everything..

I can only hope for an illusion of you by my side..
I can only wish for a delusion that we will be together..
But when I wake up from all of these..
I know what kind of pain will be waiting for me..


Betrayal is one thing..
But living a never ending emptiness is a lot worse than death..

Melancholy

I see nothing in your eyes

Except sadness..

Tears driven from hatred

Eyes full of emptiness

I was shot by a broken arrow 

From somewhere

Hidden amidst 

The serene loneliness of my heart...

Sometimes I wish

That I could be someone else

Someone whom you can pour your heart open

Someone you wont be troubled again and again

But as I stare at you..

I sense a feeling..

A feeling yearning for someone special 

Yet so far..

A desire so strong 

That even denies the laws of nature

I don't know 

If you can still handle

My stupidity and my nonchalant behavior

But all I know

My heart doesn't waver

Only my mind does..

Will you still be willing to accept me?

As I am?

As the person you disgust?

As the guy who betrayed your love?

After all of this..

Will you still be willing?

To be by my side....

Forever?

Time denies my everything 

But you don't

Nature banishes me 

But you, on the hand 

Let me through

Life accepts my death

But you revived me...

A maiden's tears

It was not my full intention to hurt you

Forget you

Confuse you

and most importantly

To give you false hope...

Why can't you understand that I love you so much

Words are not that strong to reach your heart

But neither action can..

It is up to you if you don't believe me

but believe me when I say...

You are the gift of my life

The root of my dreams

The source of my life

You give me peace and tranquility

You give me a reason to live through my life

You love me like no other can give...

I may not be perfect

I can never promise you a lifetime of happiness

But know this...

I am giving everything I can for you to feel 

The love that has been burning deep inside of me

Every second you are not here 

Is like a thousand years has passed by...

I want you by my side

If you want me as well..

I always love you and I always will

Even if you don't love me anymore..

I will always persevere...

My love for you is not that deep

But seriously 

My love for you is endless