Silent days..

I am here....

Waiting for you

Even if its just a glimpse of you

A message

A sign

A note

 Whatever it is 

As long as it is a part of you

Is it too much to ask?

While your there laughing so happy with him

I am here torturing myself.... 

Over you 

Because you left me here all alone 

With nothing else 

Except pain..

You are walking alongside with him

Holding hands together
His arms wrap around you

Like we used to..

You are taking him to places 

we used to go..

The footprints we left on the beach

The food we used to eat

The places we used to hang out with

You are leaving me out of it...

The memories and dreams we made together

Thrown away like pieces of trash

But here I am

Trying to find those pieces 

Trying to mold them together

To create another dream of us

Still in the end..

It is only me left...

No more you..

Heartless ~=Nightmare=~

I've been wondering why, my dreams were never that happy, enjoyable, instead, it was all horrible, anger and deceit were all I felt in my heart whenever I had dreams about you...

In one nightmare I had, you left me all alone without saying a word, no eye contact, no nothing...
I tried to chase you but you were so far away, my feet cannot move as if it was paralyzed ...
I tried to shout your name but no sound came out from my mouth as if I was mute...
I don't know what to do anymore except to reach out my hand to you as if you were just there an inch away from me...I kept on hoping....

Another dream I had or rather another nightmare about you...
You were with someone else. I was devastated by the sight of you and that other guy your with...
I was just there looking at you straight in the eyes and you were looking back at me as if I was nothing but a worthless trash.. I had nothing else left to do except just to stand there.. It was a painful image left in my memory...

The fact that there were all my dreams.. But I had no control over them..





I still couldn't  have you even if it was just a dream.. A sad thought indeed -_-....

Reminiscence...

Did it ever occur to you all, that every time we wake up every morning, we tend to remember each and every details of what happened in our lives. Especially the past, we are what we are because of the past. We became mature enough to handle our own problems because of the mistakes we once experience in the past...

People who experienced pain and suffering from their previous life tends to forget their past but the past is not that easy to forget, especially if it had a big impact in your life. I for one, had experienced a lot of things in life, be it painful, sad, happy moments... But I never wanted to forget any of it, because they are all precious memories that made me what I am today.

Sure there are a lot of traumatizing memories that gives us reason to shut down those pathetic scenarios in our life but no matter what we do, we will always remember it, that is why it is better to face and challenge our fears than to keep on running away from it. Just like the parts of our body, memories are like the embodiment of what we might become in the future....

I wake up each day, thinking if I could redo my past, my history but there are some things that made me say " If I redid my past, I would have never met the people that I love in the present, I would have never experienced the happy and enjoyable moments that I have in my family and friends today"..

That's why, rather than changing your past, keep on remembering it ^_^...

Keep on remembering the painful things that made you strong as you are today...

Keep on remembering the happy moments that made you feel so alive and thankful...

Keep on remembering the love that you missed so much and never felt....

And then I wake up each day, reminiscing my past, that reminded me that

"I AM THE RULER OF MY OWN WORLD"

Wordless Wednesday #5

~I will never be a memory~

Note: Credit goes to the owner of this picture..

Stressful Days..

Wew.. Looks like it's been a long since I wrote my previous random rant from my life lols ^_^.
Well, I got nothing to do anyway, So I will just write something down here.. ^_^

Have you ever felt the feeling that  you are burned down even though you didn't done any work all day?.. That kind of feeling where in you just sat down staring at blank pages of the internet with nothing else around you. You have this uneasy feeling.

Some called it, being in a trance or way of meditation but I personally think it's something else. Coz when you wake up from it, you feel so tired. Wondering why time just passed by just like that. You did nothing yet you feel so tired...

Artist described that kind of feeling of being in a slump...
As a nurse, I described it as a feeling of being burned out..
But personally I think it's something else.. I don't know why but I really feel a lot burdens that I carry on my shoulders..

I think it's what you call "the burden of life"..
Just a thought I would like to share with you all..

Don't let yourself be pressured by certain things especially if it's just a small obstacle in your way, let it slide just for a little while because there are really unpredictable scenarios in life that you least expect that would really hit you hard in the head.

Just be natural.. Just be yourself ^_^..

Wordless Wednesday #4

~Slice of Heaven~

"Black Forest"

Heartless -Night 4-

I see you again and again

It's like a never ending streams and waves of pictures of you in my mind

You were always there

Watching me as I passed by the scenery where we first met..

I always hear voices

But I know it is yours

Telling me to stay as I am

To love you as I can

To feel you always and always..

Your image in my memory..

Is always there..

In my dreams

The never ending dream of you and me

Together in an open space full of sparkling lights,

A star?..

A wish?...

Or just another dream?..

Loveless: Betrayal

So many things left unsaid and done..
So many heartaches and problems yet unsolved
So many disguises and thoughts left hanging on the edge
All of these things, I carry on my shoulders..
But you run away from all of it..

I gave up my heart for you..
But you chose to trash it away like it was nothing...
I gave up my will just to see you smile..
Instead, you pushed me away like I was some dirt in your path
I told you everything that needs to be said..
But you sealed your heart for me not to enter..


What can I do?..
Instead to hope for the best and for the best to come..
My only wish is that..
I am not looking for false dreams
Because I will be devastated by betrayal of those I gave my everything..

I can only hope for an illusion of you by my side..
I can only wish for a delusion that we will be together..
But when I wake up from all of these..
I know what kind of pain will be waiting for me..


Betrayal is one thing..
But living a never ending emptiness is a lot worse than death..

Wordless Wednesday #3

Loveless