Heartless -=Night 5=-

As I see you in my dreams, always paving a way to reach a certain place..
You are there, trying to tell me a message..
A simple yet complicated kind of message..
I wonder why..


But you always remind me of shooting stars..
Appearing so gallantly, and disappears without a trace...
Like a sound of music trying to whisper through my heart


I ask myself..
"How many nights has it been since you told me you want me by your side?"..
"How many nights has it been since I last saw you hold my hand?"..


I reach to a certain point in my life that I kept on looking for the emptiness that I desire..

 

Will you be willing to wait for me?

Shivering Skies..

I ran away from every little things..
I lost sight of what is important to me..
I gave every inch of hope that is used to be my strength..
I ran away from life..
I ran away from love..
And most of all..
I ran away from all the rotten things life has gave to me..

But I never lost anything..
The irony of life stunned me.. Almost as if I was just a ghost from the very start..
Something that has been predicted before there is even an beginning..

I only wished for my existence to be felt..
But it never occurred to anyone else...
The only trace left was the scent of blue roses burning, left to wither, never to be touched again..

The feeling of being important to the person you want is too much to ask, that is why there's nothing left at the end of the road except the word... Detour...
It's like you've reached the end of your goal.. Never seeking what is beyond it.
Feeling contented and satisfied of everything..
Deserving what is right for you.. Deserving what is best for the both of you.. 

Melancholy

I see nothing in your eyes

Except sadness..

Tears driven from hatred

Eyes full of emptiness

I was shot by a broken arrow 

From somewhere

Hidden amidst 

The serene loneliness of my heart...

Sometimes I wish

That I could be someone else

Someone whom you can pour your heart open

Someone you wont be troubled again and again

But as I stare at you..

I sense a feeling..

A feeling yearning for someone special 

Yet so far..

A desire so strong 

That even denies the laws of nature

I don't know 

If you can still handle

My stupidity and my nonchalant behavior

But all I know

My heart doesn't waver

Only my mind does..

Will you still be willing to accept me?

As I am?

As the person you disgust?

As the guy who betrayed your love?

After all of this..

Will you still be willing?

To be by my side....

Forever?

Time denies my everything 

But you don't

Nature banishes me 

But you, on the hand 

Let me through

Life accepts my death

But you revived me...

Loveless: Silence..

Doesn't always meant to answer you in a positive way, like okay, yes, I do, etc..
If it did answered your question, it's not completely what you think it is..
You will be surprised what it really meant, especially if the answer is void and twisted..

And the worst part of it all,
Hesitation takes control, that is why the person you asked for will remain silent rather than answering your questions..

In my opinion, if she tells you directly with words and not silence, then for sure she is sure about her feelings without a glimpse of hesitation and doubts. But for someone who is not sure and very hesitant what to say to you, silence is their best approach...

Another thing is that, it doesn't mean anything else..

If you are smart enough not to open the gate to paranoia... Surely you won't be fooled by silence..But if you are completely deceived, you will surely taste the pain you never felt before and you will find yourself trapped in a deep dark open well with nothing else around you..

Except...

Silence..




Be very careful with someone who you really trust but never really tells you anything but lies and silence....

Loveless: Afterlife

I'm siting here all alone..... Thinking.....Wondering.......


How my life might end without even a glimpse of happiness around me, without even a spark of brightness in my eyes, without even a hope of love in my heart...


It's depressing to think that all I did was worthless, all my efforts are gone to waste..
To my family...
Friends..
And my love..


All my achievements are gone..
If this was the life that had been given to me..
I would rather be a free spirit that watches the life of others than being alive without any target at all...


My only target is myself..
What would it be like to pull the trigger that will cost you a lifetime of regrets?..


But what regrets will that be if you are dead?...

You tend to end your purpose because of the fact that you have no purpose to begin with..
You changed your target to yourself because you don't have any target at all..
You gave yourself a reason to live because you have no reason at all..


What will it be like in the other side of the world?..
Will you find your happiness? or will you find regrets?...


Left in the middle of nothing except the serenity of darkness...

Princess of Light

~You are my light~


As I glance through the windows of my room to watch the outside world, I look upon the darkness of the sky to find the traces of the moon, but I found nothing. The moon is simply covered by dozens of clouds. 

There's not a glimpse of light..
Not a glimpse of hope through the darkness of the night..
Days... Months... Years has passed by, and still I haven't seen the brightness of the moon..


I waited..
Until the right moment that I've been waiting for has come to light

In the vast ambiance of the skies, I saw a lady clothed with silver glittering armor, hair dyed with a color of gold, eyes with a color of the sea, rushing towards me, riding a white mythical creature with white wings called a Pegasus.


She rides straight on the road of red roses towards the windows of my room. I am blinded by the radiance that she has when she stepped down and stands graciously before me and smiled that gave warmth all over my body. 

I am petrified by her beauty. I slowly walked towards her, took her hand and kissed her.


"You are indeed the princess of light"

~A Fool Or A Lover~

~I was strolling near a snow colored gate where I saw a little boy holding a piece of note in his hand, I asked him..

"What are you doing here in this cold shivering night all alone?"

He looked up to me and replied..

"I'm waiting for someone.."

I asked him again..

"What are you holding in your hand?, Is that something worth waiting for the whole cold night?"

He answered in a soft tone voice..

"Yes."

Out of curiosity, I asked him if he would let me show what he was holding in his hand..
And he gave me the note with his head faced down..

I read his note and suddenly, tears started pouring down from my eyes..

I looked at him and asked him..

"How long are you going to wait?"

He answered finally with a smiling face and a joyful voice..

"For as long as I can because if I leave right now, she would never know what I wrote in this special letter"

"Even if it takes you forever?"

"Yes, as long as I have her angelic image in my memory.."

I walked away after my conversation with that mysterious boy, I looked up above and whispered to myself..
"Can he really wait forever for someone who doesn't even care for him?. He is just fooling himself if he thinks that he could win over the fate that has been given to him, but then again he is a fool because he knows what true love is..

Life? Change? Jokes?....

~The New Beginning~

Love is such a mysterious feeling..

You really thought that everything is in place, no lies, no regrets, just pure happiness..
One moment you are really sure of the feelings you keep on holding. You confirmed it, you tried to bind it...

And another moment, you are completely blinded and just in a blink of an eye, you loose everything you worked for..

And you asked yourself "Why?"

Why is it there is no such thing as eternal love or happiness?..
and all of the sudden, there is a deep small voice whispering to you...

"Do not worry..
Even if your mind had been filled with nothing except the touch of love that you had lost, your heart will still be the same no matter what, because since ancient times, the myth, fairy tales, folk old stories, it's always been the heart whose doing all the right and the wrong things in life..


Even if you lost some of your memories in your mind, your heart will still beat the same rhythm as it was before..


Even if you can't feel the same sensation that you felt the first time you were in love, your heart will still feel the same feeling over and over until its last pump.."

Windows Of Our Soul

Have you ever ever wondered why we can't see the other side of our life?. . .
What's the shape of our soul?. . .
What color does it reflects?. . .
What tremendous power does it possess?. . .

Somehow, we never seem to stop thinking about all this questions going on in our head. We tried to think logically and rationally, but we can never achieve the answer we seek, instead of deriving into a conclusion, we ask for more of it.

We yearn for the impossible, we want to taste life in a different prospective, but the question lies beneath our soul. We can never comprehend the mystery about our soul.
A question that is misleading us astray from our path. Leaving nothing behind without a trace but still can be track so easily.

What is it about our soul anyway?..
As you peek through the window, you can see a form, an aura emitting an enormous yet gentle presence. Therefore, we can only think of one thing..

It is always within us, in ourselves, in the life which we decided from the very start...

Reasons~

Loveless: Reasons

I lost all the right reasons to smile..
I fought for all the wrong reasons for my own selfishness..
I sacrificed everything just to remain beside you..
But you gave me a reason that left me no other choice
But to give you up...

And so I ask myself...
"What reason do I live for when my only reason is you?"

I wonder why I became like this..
To be someone whom I hated the most..
Someone who doesn't have a reason to live...

You are the only one who gave me a reason to live...
Yet..
You are also the one who gave me a reason to die...

Forms of Avoidance...

First Form....
You ignore the topic just because you don't like to talk about it nor even try to tackle it...

Second Form...
Changing the subject and disregarding its importance..

Third Form..
Silence, because you do not know what to say about it or you just don't want say anything about it at all..

Fourth Form...
Suppression or you just want to run away from everything  when in fact, the topic is right in front of you..

Fifth Form..
You turn away and talk nonsense with your friends even though the matter is very important to you..

Sixth Form:
You lie, simply because you are afraid of admitting your mistakes and true intentions..

Seventh Form..
Feign appearance, you try to fight and put up a foolish act of love because you don't want anyone to find out what are the things you are keeping inside..

Eight Form..
Indirect words.. Instead of telling the things you want to say to the right person, you are indirectly or unconsciously saying things to everybody else which in turn, hurts the person beside you..

Ninth Form..
Discovering new.. You thought you knew the person right in front of you but when you discovered something new about that person, you tend to misinterpret his/her actions and words..

Last and Final Form..
Appraisal of sadness and the abandoned (ASA)

Loveless: Origin {Revised}

Once there was a man,
Who was very much in love with a certain maiden, 
Hopelessly drunk of love...

He found himself in a deep state of trance,
He gave up everything, never hesitant to gave his all..
He tried to be perfect to the one he hopes to be with..
He rewind his history just to be worthy to the one he wants for eternity..


But in the end..
He was devastated by his own weakness..


He was betrayed by his own foolish self..
Never been loved.. Just a fool hoping for nothing..
His ultimate sacrifice was wasted..
Never been able to taste what true love really is..


The fire that was once so immense that it filled his burning soul became an iced cold heart, never to be opened again...


He shut his heart from the world..
He closed his mind from everything else..
He made people think that he has no emotions left and doesn't care an inch of the outside world..
He chose to be isolated, with nothing nothing else around him except eminent darkness..


Never to be heard again...

Fairy Tale~

I may not be the frog prince that you wanted to have in your life...
But with every breathe that I take in within me...
With every hour, minute, seconds I think about you...
Is like heaven granted me a challenge that I should deal with...

To be the only prince you ever wanted to have forever..
But hard as it is,, I can only be myself for you..
I can't be the prince that you ever wanted  coz I'm a completely different person than u think I am..

I may not be worthy for you...
I can't assure you anything...
I can't promise you everything..
I can only be a prince that I can be..

My star will always be with you..
My color will stay the same for you..
My light will always shine upon you wherever you are...
My thread of fate will always be connected to yours and will never be broken...

This is my fairy tale...

Are you willing to be a part of it?

@Gamble

Life is like poker...

Sometimes you have the best hands possible to play...
and sometimes you have the worst card to throw away...

But one thing you can get from loosing those cards...

Is the courage to bet everything at the next game..
and to challenge life into a more exciting game..

Just like in reality..

Even if you win and have all the desires that you ever wanted..
Yet..
It's not enough...

You become so empty that you don't even know what comes next in your story and chapters..

So it's better to loose if you know that you can get back the things you lost sight in the 1st place and try even more harder not to loose those things again..

Rather than becoming an empty shell..

Argax

Argax~ said to be a mythical elixir made to forget certain memories...
It can be the most embarrassing memory you ever had..
It can be the most painful..
Or it can even be the most happiest memory you ever had...

No one has ever tried this elixir because they are afraid of the side effects cause by this elixir..
Some say all of your memories will be gone...
Some say you will never see lightness again...
Some even said that the person closest to your heart will be the person you will surely hate the most in the end..

Will you dare drink this elixir??

-Loveless(Purely Fictional ^_^)

Heartless ~Night 2~

When I woke up...
I was trying to think that she was not just a dream but a reality to me...


And so i began to search for her..
Both in fantasy and in reality..
I know my efforts will not be in vain..
I just need to see her one last time...


Let my wish be granted..
So that I will be in eternal slumber..
With no regrets..
Nothing else more...


And so I tried to sleep..
But I cannot...
Maybe because I was afraid that she is in the world of reality and that I will never be able to wake up again..


The risk that i have to take is just too much to bear..

Loveless: Heartless

Heartless ~Night 1~


I sacrificed everything just to be with you..
I rushed to picked you up by the side walk..
Where we met for the very 1st time...
Where our eyes gazed at each other like there's no tomorrow...
As if we've known each other for a very long time...


And so I said..
Will you take my hand?..
Take me forever and be by my side..

Will you be mine forever??


And when you finally open your lips..
And whisper through my ears...


I woke up...
It was only just a dream..

The Fragility of Love

I am a fool to believe that love is eternal, permanent and cannot be demolish so easily..
But unfortunately I am wrong about the strength and power of love..


Love is fragile..
And can be manipulated so easily..
Love is weakness..
And can be used against you..
Love is not eternal..
And can definitely be broken into millions of pieces without hope of molding it back again..


If you are stupid enough to think that love has the power to conquer all hatred..
Then you are mistaken..
Surprisingly, it has a direct opposite effect on you..


For me, it has the power to change you into someone you hated most in your entire life..
It supposed to transform your hatred into love but only disappointment meets you in the end..


You will gravely suffer if you put too much trust in the fragility of love..
Coz its pain is much worse than death itself..

Loveless: Origin

Once there was a man,

Who was in love with a young maiden,

He was hopelessly drunk for love..

He found himself in a deep trance 

He gave his all, Never hesitating anything..

He tried to be perfect to the one he hoped to be with..

He rewrote his history just to be worthy to the one he wants to spend his life for eternity..

But in the end..

He was devastated by his own weakness...

He was betrayed by his own love,

Never been loved in return..

His ultimate sacrifice was wasted..

Never been able to taste the true meaning of love..

The fire that was once so great that it filled his burning soul became an iced cold heart, never to be opened again..

He shut his heart closed..

He closed his mind from the world..

He made people think that he is a cold person with no emotions left to share, he who doesn't care an inch of the world...

He chose to be isolated with nothing else around him except darkness...

Darkness gave him the name..

Loveless...

-=Trap in the middle of a mystery=-

Is it just me or something is missing?


At some point of our life, we question ourselves as to why are we born in this land??
Do we have a mission? a calling? a goal? or we were born for nothing?


I realized this word called doubts that came across my mind lately because of the fact that I'm already a member of the society but still, I don't know why I was born.
It feels like I'm missing something important that I should be searching for but the question is...
What is that something that I'm missing in my life??


We are all given the choice to make for our lives, no one else could make that decision except yourself. At first, we dream, we make our target, we set a goal from the very start..
And as we head towards that certain goal, we stumble upon other things that hinder us from reaching that goal and all we could do is to face that reality in order for us to stay at the right track.
But what if we are led astray to another path??
Will it defeat our purpose for reaching our mission in life??


I've been reflecting almost every day in order to find that certain something that I'm missing in my life but it seems to me that it's a wasted effort because it doesn't rely on yourself alone. 
It relies entirely on the people around you.

The arrow that you shot from the moment you were born was certainly headed at the direction above..