Heartless -=Night 5=-

As I see you in my dreams, always paving a way to reach a certain place..
You are there, trying to tell me a message..
A simple yet complicated kind of message..
I wonder why..


But you always remind me of shooting stars..
Appearing so gallantly, and disappears without a trace...
Like a sound of music trying to whisper through my heart


I ask myself..
"How many nights has it been since you told me you want me by your side?"..
"How many nights has it been since I last saw you hold my hand?"..


I reach to a certain point in my life that I kept on looking for the emptiness that I desire..

 

Will you be willing to wait for me?

Loveless: Betrayal

So many things left unsaid and done..
So many heartaches and problems yet unsolved
So many disguises and thoughts left hanging on the edge
All of these things, I carry on my shoulders..
But you run away from all of it..

I gave up my heart for you..
But you chose to trash it away like it was nothing...
I gave up my will just to see you smile..
Instead, you pushed me away like I was some dirt in your path
I told you everything that needs to be said..
But you sealed your heart for me not to enter..


What can I do?..
Instead to hope for the best and for the best to come..
My only wish is that..
I am not looking for false dreams
Because I will be devastated by betrayal of those I gave my everything..

I can only hope for an illusion of you by my side..
I can only wish for a delusion that we will be together..
But when I wake up from all of these..
I know what kind of pain will be waiting for me..


Betrayal is one thing..
But living a never ending emptiness is a lot worse than death..

Melancholy

I see nothing in your eyes

Except sadness..

Tears driven from hatred

Eyes full of emptiness

I was shot by a broken arrow 

From somewhere

Hidden amidst 

The serene loneliness of my heart...

Sometimes I wish

That I could be someone else

Someone whom you can pour your heart open

Someone you wont be troubled again and again

But as I stare at you..

I sense a feeling..

A feeling yearning for someone special 

Yet so far..

A desire so strong 

That even denies the laws of nature

I don't know 

If you can still handle

My stupidity and my nonchalant behavior

But all I know

My heart doesn't waver

Only my mind does..

Will you still be willing to accept me?

As I am?

As the person you disgust?

As the guy who betrayed your love?

After all of this..

Will you still be willing?

To be by my side....

Forever?

Time denies my everything 

But you don't

Nature banishes me 

But you, on the hand 

Let me through

Life accepts my death

But you revived me...

Loveless: Silence..

Doesn't always meant to answer you in a positive way, like okay, yes, I do, etc..
If it did answered your question, it's not completely what you think it is..
You will be surprised what it really meant, especially if the answer is void and twisted..

And the worst part of it all,
Hesitation takes control, that is why the person you asked for will remain silent rather than answering your questions..

In my opinion, if she tells you directly with words and not silence, then for sure she is sure about her feelings without a glimpse of hesitation and doubts. But for someone who is not sure and very hesitant what to say to you, silence is their best approach...

Another thing is that, it doesn't mean anything else..

If you are smart enough not to open the gate to paranoia... Surely you won't be fooled by silence..But if you are completely deceived, you will surely taste the pain you never felt before and you will find yourself trapped in a deep dark open well with nothing else around you..

Except...

Silence..




Be very careful with someone who you really trust but never really tells you anything but lies and silence....

A maiden's tears

It was not my full intention to hurt you

Forget you

Confuse you

and most importantly

To give you false hope...

Why can't you understand that I love you so much

Words are not that strong to reach your heart

But neither action can..

It is up to you if you don't believe me

but believe me when I say...

You are the gift of my life

The root of my dreams

The source of my life

You give me peace and tranquility

You give me a reason to live through my life

You love me like no other can give...

I may not be perfect

I can never promise you a lifetime of happiness

But know this...

I am giving everything I can for you to feel 

The love that has been burning deep inside of me

Every second you are not here 

Is like a thousand years has passed by...

I want you by my side

If you want me as well..

I always love you and I always will

Even if you don't love me anymore..

I will always persevere...

My love for you is not that deep

But seriously 

My love for you is endless

"My life was dead before I met you.."

"My life was dead before I met you.."

I was strolling near at the darkened sea of Saturday night

Waiting for something to answer what I seek

Waiting for something to appear before me

I know that something might happen right in front of me

But I was unsure..

I feel so afraid..

I feel so lonely..

And worst of all..

I feel so empty deep inside..

I glanced through the dark starry skies that night

And then I realized..

I was not alone that night..

I walked for a while in deep thoughts

Still staring blankly at the open sea..

As if searching for something that wasn't even there..

And as I walked further ahead..

I didn't even realize that 

The one I'm searching for is there..

I stopped and sat at the cold sands of the beach

And you were there

Lying on my shoulders..

You were there

Smiling at me..

You were there..

Looking at me straight in the eyes

You were there..

Just a second away from me..

The Colors

( This is purely based on my opinion ^_^)

Have you ever thought about the meaning of different colors of life?..
These are the meanings I thought about in a Loveless way..


White- Color of Loneliness
Gold- Color of Emptiness
Blue- Color of Depression
Green- Color of Impurities
Red- Color of Pain
Orange- Color of Betrayal
Yellow- Color Deciet
Silver- Color of Despair
Gray- Color of Coldness


All these colors amounts to the color black because of the fact that the color of being empty is even worse than the color of death itself...

*Loveless: Devil Within

 

            You let yourself driven by hatred and you come across the line where you are given the chance to have eternal happiness but a lifetime of regrets.

Would you choose that kind of choice?..

The conscience deep inside of you is trembling in fear, fear that is very unknown to you..

Fear that can destroy the whole essence of life..

Fighting your demons doesn't really mean you have to destroy them completely with all your might..

Sometimes it's better to keep some for your own good.. ^_^

Loveless: Heartless

Heartless ~Night 1~


I sacrificed everything just to be with you..
I rushed to picked you up by the side walk..
Where we met for the very 1st time...
Where our eyes gazed at each other like there's no tomorrow...
As if we've known each other for a very long time...


And so I said..
Will you take my hand?..
Take me forever and be by my side..

Will you be mine forever??


And when you finally open your lips..
And whisper through my ears...


I woke up...
It was only just a dream..

Loveless: Origin

Once there was a man,

Who was in love with a young maiden,

He was hopelessly drunk for love..

He found himself in a deep trance 

He gave his all, Never hesitating anything..

He tried to be perfect to the one he hoped to be with..

He rewrote his history just to be worthy to the one he wants to spend his life for eternity..

But in the end..

He was devastated by his own weakness...

He was betrayed by his own love,

Never been loved in return..

His ultimate sacrifice was wasted..

Never been able to taste the true meaning of love..

The fire that was once so great that it filled his burning soul became an iced cold heart, never to be opened again..

He shut his heart closed..

He closed his mind from the world..

He made people think that he is a cold person with no emotions left to share, he who doesn't care an inch of the world...

He chose to be isolated with nothing else around him except darkness...

Darkness gave him the name..

Loveless...

Loveless: Emptiness

Angel's Grief

            Angels, winged beings believed to be messengers of god, servants of the divine. Beings that symbolizes light, fragility, purity and even sadness...
They say angels are beings that are granted with eternal happiness but as a matter of fact they are not, they are only granted a moment of happiness and a lifetime of memories...

And they are here amongst us.. Secretly hiding, pretending to be happy, swiftly enduring every pain they have to face in order for them to be free from grieve..

If you are to meet an angel, are you willing to give up everything just to be one of them??

Loveless: Consumed by darkness

~Have you ever thought of a feeling where in you almost gave everything but nothing in return is given back to you?...
It's not about repaying or receiving something in return but the mere thought of being cared for is the only thing you could ask...nothing more, nothing less..
But it seems that life has a way of saying to us that not all the things in life can go in your own way, your own desires..Just plain nothing..~


Is it too much to ask for simple things in life??
Is it too much to ask for a single word coming out from that person's mouth??
I really thought that everything would be alright..
That everything happens for a purpose..but it seems to me that everything else is nothing but pure trash..

It's really hard to control your own personal emotions especially when that something triggers your mind to the extent of blowing yourself up...

All I'm asking...

Is you...

Listen to yourself……

 As I see her with someone she loves very much, I only stared at her and her lover and as I blink my eyes, tears running down from my face. I can’t help but feeling jealous by the fact that I am only nothing to her but only as a friend. When can I release this feelings that I stains my own heart, how can I stop this ever flowing love I feel for her…..I can’t help but think of her all the time of my life, as I walk by….side by side with her……I wanted to her how much I love her, how much I want to hold her in my arms and grip her tight…..close to me face and face…….and tell her "I Love Her" with all my heart and soul, that I will pledge everything just for her…….But……..I just can’t because I am afraid that our friendship will end and just that….I can never be with her again….so I kept on fighting and fighting this feelings I feel for her because if I can’t have her, then at least I want to be with her even if it is hurting me in the inside but I can still smile at her in the outside…..Life is very challenging indeed, there is not such thing as a easy life with no trials and challenges………..She is like a Blooming rose that can bloom anywhere, can survive anywhere, can be love by anything, and can love her own self……"A rose than can bloom anywhere but can wither at only one place"…..I wish I could be that place, a place where she will need my comfort, my warmth and my love….If only and only then my life will be complete……….

Emptiness

~A feeling worth crying for, a feeling
worse than death, a feeling of letting
go to the one you hold onto, and a
feeling that will never die. This
feeling reminds you of something dark
about your life, reminds you of your
happy moments and sad moments as well. I
just can’t stop thinking about these
feelings inside of me that’s been
haunting me for the rest of my life.
Some things can never go your own way
and sometimes can hurt you from behind.
Being one of those things remind me of
who I really was, being hated,
humiliated, and haunted by my own
desires……The feeling of Emptiness
and Loneliness ~

These are the feelings I felt and told
to myself if this will ever occur to
myself again because if it will ever
occur again in my life……Nothing can
be changed except to chase this empty
dreams inside my heart. Always waiting,
waiting for the right time to let me
inside, where your fire burns in the
city of angels just like the kingdoms
above ever to be known and remain as a
legend, never to be foretold and always
be remembered…..