Defeat...

I've long known my defeat 

The moment I gaze upon your cold eyes

I tried to touch you 

To feel what it's like to be driven by my own fear of defeat

But you seem so far yet so close..

I tried to pierce through your fragile glass armor 

But the reach of my spear is limited

You are far from my reach

But my defeat was soon foretold 

You reach out to me..

Easily broke the layers of my dragon scale armor

Just by the touch of your soft tender hands

My defeat was certain..

You are there.. 

Still staring at me with your cold eyes

Never wavering presence

Aura that emits instant death

You killed me..

You killed the demon within me

You saved me from my darkness

You gave me peace and hope 

In this never ending despair and misery

You gave me defeat 

To see the true light that's been taken away from me

I've known my defeat..

Since the day you try to hold on to me..

My light...

The Peak of Love

It was recently our 1st anniversary together.
I got a lot of things to be prepared of, especially my feelings for her and what I've felt for her for the past 12 months.
I feared that I won't be able to reach out to her..
I was too afraid that I won't be able to touch her heart..

But...
I was wrong..
She was the one who reached onto me..
I was very stupid because I thought I am the only one
Who is always reaching out to her

But here I am..
Completely blinded by my own selfishness.
Here I am,
Standing right in front of her,
Looking at her straight into those gazing eyes..

She gave me strength that guided me for the rest of my years..
She gave me warmth that I never felt before
A feeling worth dying for,
A very mystical, amazing feeling that I could not comprehend by words..
There's no one else like her..


"Yes.."


I say to myself, because of the fact that she is...without a doubt..

"My Only One"

A new month... A new reflection to ponder...

I am still at loss of words on what I am going to post on my blog at the start of the month of October. I am what you call in the mode of slump I guess. I've been in a deep thought these past few days because of the fact that nothing really changes at the start of the new month, But then I realize that it is not that there was no change in life. It was because I didn't change anything..

That is why I am here writing all about a new change, a new look, a new adventure, but it is up to you if you like changes. If you are a type of person that easily adjust to changes, then you are very adventurous but if you are a type of person like myself who just wants to stick to the present without changing anything worthy, then it is likely that's because we are the kinds who really wants to tackle things from starting til the end..

Change is really important especially when you are trapped in a corner where you have nothing left except to change into someone better. The only thing that you should be concerned of is the outcome. Always be careful who you want to become in your life...

So, anyways, here's a quote I would like to share with all of you..

Change?...

What's the difference if you change something?..

Will it benefit you? or will it destroy you?..

Will it turn you into someone better?.... or will it turn you into someone much worse?..

People tend to change themselves because of the unsatisfactory feelings of their own personal life, but little that they know that change can sometimes turn you into something indifferent from who you really are..

Maybe into someone you really detest or someone that you possibly regret into changing...

Will you still take the risk?

"My life was dead before I met you.."

"My life was dead before I met you.."

I was strolling near at the darkened sea of Saturday night

Waiting for something to answer what I seek

Waiting for something to appear before me

I know that something might happen right in front of me

But I was unsure..

I feel so afraid..

I feel so lonely..

And worst of all..

I feel so empty deep inside..

I glanced through the dark starry skies that night

And then I realized..

I was not alone that night..

I walked for a while in deep thoughts

Still staring blankly at the open sea..

As if searching for something that wasn't even there..

And as I walked further ahead..

I didn't even realize that 

The one I'm searching for is there..

I stopped and sat at the cold sands of the beach

And you were there

Lying on my shoulders..

You were there

Smiling at me..

You were there..

Looking at me straight in the eyes

You were there..

Just a second away from me..

Princess of Light

~You are my light~


As I glance through the windows of my room to watch the outside world, I look upon the darkness of the sky to find the traces of the moon, but I found nothing. The moon is simply covered by dozens of clouds. 

There's not a glimpse of light..
Not a glimpse of hope through the darkness of the night..
Days... Months... Years has passed by, and still I haven't seen the brightness of the moon..


I waited..
Until the right moment that I've been waiting for has come to light

In the vast ambiance of the skies, I saw a lady clothed with silver glittering armor, hair dyed with a color of gold, eyes with a color of the sea, rushing towards me, riding a white mythical creature with white wings called a Pegasus.


She rides straight on the road of red roses towards the windows of my room. I am blinded by the radiance that she has when she stepped down and stands graciously before me and smiled that gave warmth all over my body. 

I am petrified by her beauty. I slowly walked towards her, took her hand and kissed her.


"You are indeed the princess of light"

~A Fool Or A Lover~

~I was strolling near a snow colored gate where I saw a little boy holding a piece of note in his hand, I asked him..

"What are you doing here in this cold shivering night all alone?"

He looked up to me and replied..

"I'm waiting for someone.."

I asked him again..

"What are you holding in your hand?, Is that something worth waiting for the whole cold night?"

He answered in a soft tone voice..

"Yes."

Out of curiosity, I asked him if he would let me show what he was holding in his hand..
And he gave me the note with his head faced down..

I read his note and suddenly, tears started pouring down from my eyes..

I looked at him and asked him..

"How long are you going to wait?"

He answered finally with a smiling face and a joyful voice..

"For as long as I can because if I leave right now, she would never know what I wrote in this special letter"

"Even if it takes you forever?"

"Yes, as long as I have her angelic image in my memory.."

I walked away after my conversation with that mysterious boy, I looked up above and whispered to myself..
"Can he really wait forever for someone who doesn't even care for him?. He is just fooling himself if he thinks that he could win over the fate that has been given to him, but then again he is a fool because he knows what true love is..

Life? Change? Jokes?....

~The New Beginning~

Love is such a mysterious feeling..

You really thought that everything is in place, no lies, no regrets, just pure happiness..
One moment you are really sure of the feelings you keep on holding. You confirmed it, you tried to bind it...

And another moment, you are completely blinded and just in a blink of an eye, you loose everything you worked for..

And you asked yourself "Why?"

Why is it there is no such thing as eternal love or happiness?..
and all of the sudden, there is a deep small voice whispering to you...

"Do not worry..
Even if your mind had been filled with nothing except the touch of love that you had lost, your heart will still be the same no matter what, because since ancient times, the myth, fairy tales, folk old stories, it's always been the heart whose doing all the right and the wrong things in life..


Even if you lost some of your memories in your mind, your heart will still beat the same rhythm as it was before..


Even if you can't feel the same sensation that you felt the first time you were in love, your heart will still feel the same feeling over and over until its last pump.."

Windows Of Our Soul

Have you ever ever wondered why we can't see the other side of our life?. . .
What's the shape of our soul?. . .
What color does it reflects?. . .
What tremendous power does it possess?. . .

Somehow, we never seem to stop thinking about all this questions going on in our head. We tried to think logically and rationally, but we can never achieve the answer we seek, instead of deriving into a conclusion, we ask for more of it.

We yearn for the impossible, we want to taste life in a different prospective, but the question lies beneath our soul. We can never comprehend the mystery about our soul.
A question that is misleading us astray from our path. Leaving nothing behind without a trace but still can be track so easily.

What is it about our soul anyway?..
As you peek through the window, you can see a form, an aura emitting an enormous yet gentle presence. Therefore, we can only think of one thing..

It is always within us, in ourselves, in the life which we decided from the very start...

End of the Month # 2

Another month has ended with a lot of mysteries about life yet unsolved, questions left unanswered and more problems that has yet to come. Although I can say that this can be considered as a fruitful month because of the fact that I've experienced a lot of things I never learned before, I've discovered a lot of new things that made me realize that there is more to life than simply being alive. :)

About my career, my career as a nurse has just started yet I feel a lot of pressure and stress. I don't know why I hate my career but I guess I don't have any other choices left but to face it strong and come back harder and a lot wiser than I was before.

"I know this is the career that life gave to me"
These are the words I always thought about every single morning I wake up to start my day...

About my relationship,

Well, my love story is pretty deep and very mysterious to begin with.. But all I can say about her, is that I love my girlfriend. I never had any regrets letting her inside =).
The road to love is very rough and a lot of sacrifices had to be made but I know she is worth it.. ^_^

About life...

Hmmmm maybe I can say now that life isn't easy as I thought it was. Money is the overall problem of almost all the people nowadays but if you try to think clear and rational as hard as you can. You will probably say to yourself that money is not a problem. It's yourself.. It's always on yourself because of the fact that every decision that you make changes your life and everybody else around you. Every step that you make changes every direction and paths that you will mostly head on towards a new goal.... Life is indeed mysterious, that is why you have to make use of your time wisely ^_^

Fairy Tale~

I may not be the frog prince that you wanted to have in your life...
But with every breathe that I take in within me...
With every hour, minute, seconds I think about you...
Is like heaven granted me a challenge that I should deal with...

To be the only prince you ever wanted to have forever..
But hard as it is,, I can only be myself for you..
I can't be the prince that you ever wanted  coz I'm a completely different person than u think I am..

I may not be worthy for you...
I can't assure you anything...
I can't promise you everything..
I can only be a prince that I can be..

My star will always be with you..
My color will stay the same for you..
My light will always shine upon you wherever you are...
My thread of fate will always be connected to yours and will never be broken...

This is my fairy tale...

Are you willing to be a part of it?

*Loveless: Devil Within

 

            You let yourself driven by hatred and you come across the line where you are given the chance to have eternal happiness but a lifetime of regrets.

Would you choose that kind of choice?..

The conscience deep inside of you is trembling in fear, fear that is very unknown to you..

Fear that can destroy the whole essence of life..

Fighting your demons doesn't really mean you have to destroy them completely with all your might..

Sometimes it's better to keep some for your own good.. ^_^

Loveless: Origin

Once there was a man,

Who was in love with a young maiden,

He was hopelessly drunk for love..

He found himself in a deep trance 

He gave his all, Never hesitating anything..

He tried to be perfect to the one he hoped to be with..

He rewrote his history just to be worthy to the one he wants to spend his life for eternity..

But in the end..

He was devastated by his own weakness...

He was betrayed by his own love,

Never been loved in return..

His ultimate sacrifice was wasted..

Never been able to taste the true meaning of love..

The fire that was once so great that it filled his burning soul became an iced cold heart, never to be opened again..

He shut his heart closed..

He closed his mind from the world..

He made people think that he is a cold person with no emotions left to share, he who doesn't care an inch of the world...

He chose to be isolated with nothing else around him except darkness...

Darkness gave him the name..

Loveless...

-=Trap in the middle of a mystery=-

Is it just me or something is missing?


At some point of our life, we question ourselves as to why are we born in this land??
Do we have a mission? a calling? a goal? or we were born for nothing?


I realized this word called doubts that came across my mind lately because of the fact that I'm already a member of the society but still, I don't know why I was born.
It feels like I'm missing something important that I should be searching for but the question is...
What is that something that I'm missing in my life??


We are all given the choice to make for our lives, no one else could make that decision except yourself. At first, we dream, we make our target, we set a goal from the very start..
And as we head towards that certain goal, we stumble upon other things that hinder us from reaching that goal and all we could do is to face that reality in order for us to stay at the right track.
But what if we are led astray to another path??
Will it defeat our purpose for reaching our mission in life??


I've been reflecting almost every day in order to find that certain something that I'm missing in my life but it seems to me that it's a wasted effort because it doesn't rely on yourself alone. 
It relies entirely on the people around you.

The arrow that you shot from the moment you were born was certainly headed at the direction above..

~Mystery Of Life~

~Loveless….

Another time for my life to continue the way I want but it seems that it doesn’t go the way I want it to be and I think the reason for that kind of twisted fate and the sudden change of my destiny is you, The one who changed my life was you, who crossed my life and understands me the most…Even though time is against us that I only met you in a glimpse of that single memory..Is it because of the different paths that we shared for each other but for me it was heaven when I met you, its like I saw a Goddess for the very first time in my life….I don’t know what you thought of me but for me I am thankful to God that I met you and if only there was still enough time left just to be with you, I would really tell you about my one and only true feelings for you…That’s why I asked for God’s help to lend me this borrowed time that I would like to spend with her just enough to tell her how I really feel for her..My only wish is for her to be happy, that’s all I ever wanted even though it won’t benefit me..still for me to see you happy would be enough for me…

If…

I was left in the middle of darkness, I hope I can see a small light of hope, even if it is only a brickering small light, I just want to know how you really feel for me because it has been hard on my part to pretend what I dont want to be. I hope our paths will remain the same even if it is years from now, my feelings for you will never change, you are the only one that can complete my life, my one and only angel that showed me what is like to be alive and taught me the true meaning of happiness, I hope you will never forget me for you are the only one engraved in my heart..Till next time my love….Goodbye~

Loveless: Gift

~My 1st monthsary gift to my baby~(revised)

This short story was just something I wrote in a rush, so I apologize if its not enough to show and express what I really feel for this day...hehe.. So here it goes..




I was near the aura that surrounds the moon..
Starring down at the people below...
I couldn't bear to watch a certain person I saw from my distance..


She was wearing a frilly white dress, white Sunday hat, and a white shiny bracelet at her right wrist
She was strolling at the shore of the white sand beach..
Wandering aimlessly as she looks at the bright orange sunset in front of her sight,
Leaving her footprints on the glimmering white sand..


I was there above her, thinking for hours, questioning myself..
"Is she waiting for someone?"..


As days, months, years passed by..
She's still there at that beach..
Still waiting for someone...
And suddenly tears started to fall down her face and i couldn't just stay put anymore..


So I came down to her..


Asked her..
"Why are you doing this to yourself?"..


She looked at me directly in the eyes and smiled..
"Coz I thought you will never come down to me, talk to me and look at me in the eyes anymore.."


I was surprised at her words and I realized..
I was lock, she was the key, and I gave her the keys to my heart a long time ago...
Maybe thats why she waited for me to open my heart for her.....